My mother was the earliest form of Google I knew. People called her with questions all the time. She kept files of clippings with financial advice, addresses of agencies, lists of experts, research findings — all updated with her ballpoint wiki. She had her travel skills to reference, her training as a registered nurse to summon, her experience with the dying to share when, inevitably, people needed her counsel.
Before the Internet, people were our search engines.
Back then we had a friend whose mind was a compendium of popular music from the previous 50 years. If a song came to mind and we couldn’t identify a strand of lyrics or the name of a musician, he knew the title and composer and who recorded it. He loved getting calls that tapped into his knowledge.
Back then, my five-year-old asked me what term meant the opposite of nocturnal animal. I didn’t know the answer. I did know our neighbor, who loved natural history, would probably know. So my son and I called him. He told us the answer was “diurnal.” He was honored to be asked, and for years afterwards made a special point to share science observations with our son.
Back then, the oldest people on your street could tell you what originally occupied the oldest building in your neighborhood, before it was a phone store or a bar. They’d tell you it was once a butcher shop that made the best kielbasa or an orphanage where kids stared from behind an iron fence, at least that’s what the oldest person they knew always said.
Back then, if you needed the answer to a cooking question you asked the lady in the apartment a few doors down who often rode the up elevator with bags of raw ingredients and whose place always smelled amazing.
If you weren’t sure of how to do a repair, you went to the locally-run hardware store where the person behind the counter (and probably a customer or two) weighed in on what part you needed and how to do the job right the first time. If you were a male old enough to shave you also endured some ribbing about not already knowing what you were doing.
If you didn’t know dance steps or constellations or casserole recipes or obscure history facts there was someone who knew or someone who insisted they knew who you should talk to. This person would gladly tell you more than you wanted to know. You just had to ask.
I think people are honored when we ask them to share some of what they know with us. Surely it is encoded in our genes to pass on the specific, essential knowledge we’ve gained, just as it has been in nearly every era we humans have inhabited Earth. Evolutionary anthropologists call this “embodied capital” — the kind of knowledge that is acquired by experience and transmitted to others.
When someone has tuned engines, herded sheep, braided hair, or grown tomatoes for decades, but others don’t want to learn those things (or think they can best learn them from YouTube) what does their hard-earned skill mean?
When someone has learned through painful experience how to heal a broken relationship, how to deepen a spiritual life, how to foster social change, but others don’t have the time to listen, does their unique perspective perish when they do?
Maybe this has something to do with what’s been called an “epidemic” of loneliness that surges during adolescence and young adulthood, then again in late old age — precisely the ages when those in the youngest age group are most in need of mentorship and those in the oldest age group could most benefit from youthful friendships.
Let’s not lose the language we had not so long ago, spoken in small marketplaces and neighborhoods and parks, shared through extended family lines and networks of reciprocity. Ask someone for advice. Ask someone to help you understand. Ask.
I’ve written about making such connections many times. Here are a few links if you want to consider the matter further.
Get Involved When It’s None of Your Business
Bringing Kids Back to the Commons
Laura Grace Weldon 
I think this is very true. It’s all part of the knowledge we lose, too. When no one feels the need or urgency to pass on knowledge, that knowledge often dies. Not everything can be found on the internet, despite what is popularly thought!
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I suspect this has a lot to do with our increasing divide. We may not have agreed with one another’s politics, but valued what they knew. We needed each other more. We still do.
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That could well be true.
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An excellent and very much needed message. THANK YOU!!
Christy
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Thanks Christy!
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I love this. Although the internet does have its usefulness, we can indeed share general knowledge with each on such a deeper level, which would be way more satisfying than an internet search.
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I love the way libraries are jumping in to connect people with one another through Maker, DIY, shareable, and collaborative movements. I hope, too, this piece simply encourages people to bring it back home —- ask the guy next door, ask your aunt, ask the teenagers down the street.
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Yes I think it’s awesome too and I do hope many are encouraged by your post as well.
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This is just beautiful. And necessary. Learning things on YouTube is not nearly as interesting as going to the local Ace Hardware (we have one just down the street) where the owner is always willing to talk about whatever your project is and then some because he’s part of the fabric of the neighborhood. And chatting with my friend who is a nurse when I’m feeling under the weather always brings up stuff I would not have considered on my own. Talking with her when I’m feeling great is also a blast, but that’s a whole different topic. 🙂 Asking people for to share their expertise is a glorious way to open up new channels that will still be there when the power grid goes down (I keep thinking that’s going to happen anytime now). Bonus: you don’t have to know how to type.
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Absolutely. It feels good to give and get each other’s expertise. Reciprocity is basic to the weave of every kinship and social structure. It’s stronger than any power grid!
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Long ago I read a book about the magic of asking, about people who had transformed their lives by doing so. It’s one of the best forms of social engagement. If I feel stuck in a conversation or about precipitating one I think of a question to ask the other. Of course with it must come respect for and willingness to listen to them, but also for and to oneself.
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Sounds like an interesting book!
Many years ago I learned from a new neighbor that one of the surest ways to connect with someone is to ask their advice. All she did was make a positive comment about my vegetable garden and ask me something about making homemade salsa. I was happy to talk about it, but I also felt “seen” in a way that felt unusual to me. And good! I’ve since learned that relationships (family, friend, partner) have a great deal to do with how we believe we are perceived by the other person. Respectfully asking for someone’s opinion/advice is one way to show positive regard for each other, build positive relationships, maybe help move us past today’s political awfulness.
(Of course we have to be genuinely interested in what we’re asking and ask in the spirit of open inquiry. We’ve all been asked questions meant to knock us down.)
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All this is so true. What a wonderful post!😉
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Thank you!
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This is a reason why asking a person in real life is okay even when you could also just Google! Giving someone a chance to show off their expertise is nice!
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Very much agree. You learn a lot from other people.
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