Surely my baby was as good as a dog.
I’d read that nursing home residents benefited enormously from contact with therapy dogs. During and after dog visits these elders were more alert and in better moods. So I figured, why not bring my baby to a nursing home?
I contacted a nursing home around the corner. The administrator was enthusiastic. Then I talked friends into forming a nursing home-based playgroup for our infants and toddlers. They were somewhat wary, but agreed to give it a try. Finally I got a local store to donate a carpet remnant for our little ones to crawl and play on. Between visits, the nursing home could roll it up for storage. We were ready.
We met regularly at that nursing home for several years. Our babies grew into toddlers, the elders became our friends. Residents’ families and staff members often told us that our visits stimulated memories, generated activity, even inspired people who were mostly mute to say a few words. We were awed. Something as simple as our presence, sitting on the carpet playing with our children, made a difference to people whose once full lives were now constricted. We benefited too. We learned the value of advice given by people older than our grandparents. And we noticed how completely our toddlers accepted the physical and mental differences around them with natural grace. (Here’s how to set up your own playgroup in a nursing home.)
I’m still not sure why the very old and young are kept apart from life on the commons. Vital and engaged communities are made up of all ages. And children have fewer opportunities to take an active part than almost any adult. This shortchanges everyone.
Throughout history, the young of our species have learned by getting involved. Children long to take on real responsibilities and make useful contributions. This is how they advance in skill and maturity. That is, unless we restrict them to child-centered activities.
Young people are also drawn to seek mentors. They want to see how all sorts of people handle crises, start new enterprises, settle disputes, and stay in love. But today’s young people are largely kept from meaningful engagement with the wider community. They’re segregated by age not only in day care and school but also in most spheres of recreation, religion, and enrichment. When we keep kids from purposeful and interesting involvement with people of all ages they are pushed to find satisfaction in other (often less beneficial) ways. Meanwhile, our communities are deprived of their youthful energy and innovative outlook.
It doesn’t have to be that way. There are ways to reconnect children with our communities.
- Involve children by giving them real input and responsibility in civic groups, churches, co-ops, CSA’s, arts organizations, clubs, and neighborhood organizations. What about a child who is a dedicated rock enthusiast but the local lapidary club only accepts adult members? Propose a joint adult/child membership, giving that child the same (age factored) opportunities to build social capital in the club. A similar approach can be taken with organizations that refuse to take youthful volunteers. Offer to give your time in partnership with the child, a two-for-one volunteer bargain. Adult advocates are often necessary to pave the way for genuine youth involvement in many groups.
- Give children contact with the workaday world. They need to know people with a range of hobbies and careers. Seek out those who are passionate about chemistry, bird watching, farming, the Civil War, engineering, astronomy, geology, blacksmithing, wood carving, well, you get the idea. Something vital is transmitted when one person’s enthusiasm sets off a spark of interest in a child. We’re rarely turned down when we ask to learn from others. People who love what they do can’t help but inspire kids and, they often tell me, the kids reignite their hope for the future of their work.
- Help local businesses tune in to children’s interests. For example, a bakery might hang children’s art on the walls, make meeting space available for a kids’ chess club, host Invent A Cookie contests, open the kitchen for tours, offer apprenticeships to aspiring young pastry chefs, teach parent-child baking classes, invite speakers to explain the science of yeast and flour, give cupcakes as prizes for youth community volunteer hours, etc. Businesses that are truly engaged in this way inspire loyal customers, they also enliven the community.
- Create age-bridging partnerships, as we did with babies and nursing home residents. Non-profit organizations are great places to start. One successful program called Girlfriend Circle started due to complaints. A group of women at a senior center often told a volunteer that they had no hope for the future because children “nowadays” are rude. The volunteer offered to set up a tea party for the ladies that included her daughters and their friends. At that first event the girls were seated between their older hostesses. Everyone enjoyed a lesson in napkin origami. Then they took part in a Q&A to learn about one another. After sharing refreshments both age groups were eager to meet again. The Girlfriend Circle met bi-monthly for several years, finding their friendships instructive and rewarding.
- Include young people in civic affairs, giving them genuine input into programs and policies. This works in Hampton, Virginia. Young people take leadership roles by holding conferences and open forums, advising municipal divisions, and helping to run the Hampton Youth Teen Center. City administration also includes a Youth Commission, with 24 youth commissioners, 3 youth planners, and one youth secretary–all high school age.
- Develop a tradition of service, starting at an early age. Need ideas? Here are 40 ways kids can volunteer, toddler to teen.
This comes full circle for me, right back to dogs and volunteering. A boy who’d once been a pint-sized member of the play group we held at the nursing home talked his family into raising puppies to be trained as service dogs. By the time he was 12 years old, this boy gave promotional talks about this program to clubs and schools. I attended one of his speeches. He started off with some anecdotes about exasperating puppies. Then he went on to describe the generosity and hope his family felt each time they attended graduation ceremonies for fully trained dogs, ready to serve. I know community involvement is a path to wholeness. I’m convinced it has a lot to do with this boy’s smile too.
Portions of this piece excerpted from Free Range Learning.
9 thoughts on “Bringing Kids Back To The Commons”
I love your nursing home playgroup idea. I used to play music at nursing homes and rather hated it — my face would hurt from extreme smiling and enunciating, and I would be emotionally exhausted from trying to interact in a kind way with a group of strangers so different from me. A playgroup seems like it would foster more normal, natural interactions.
You’re right Marcy. Kids are themselves no matter who they’re with and their very natural way of relating to folks at the home actually was helpful to us, their parents! The way the playgroup worked seemed unusual to us because we moms basically just sat on the carpet with our little ones while the residents sat beyond the designated carpet observing, talking among themselves, and occasionally interacting with us (or more often, our kids). As weeks went by more and more residents showed up. One woman knitted me a baby blanket when I was pregnant and handed it to me with a fierce look, practically ignoring my thank you’s, pushing it in my hands and saying only, “it’s good you keep your children close.” I still have that blanket.
Love love love this. It’s so nice to live with my children out in the real world every day. I forget that so few people have that interaction. At our house, a toddler is instant entertainment at any time. Everyone has something to watch, smile over, and talk about.
It still surprises me that people react to kids during the day as a novelty, but of course our communities are “normally” empty of kids.
When my grandfather was in hospice after a stroke, we visited with my dd who was about 8 months old at the time. Not only did she bring smiles and sparkles to the residents, but she woke my grandad up in a way nothing else had. After that I thought about how good it would be for more children to visit nursing homes … unfortunately, I never got around to it, but I wish I had.
There’s always time. Even if your daughter is no longer small you might suggest this to moms with small kids. We found a playgroup was easiest with infants up to about age two, at least in terms of keeping them right with us. There are lots of ways older kids can get involved with elders, particularly at senior centers and assisted living facilities, where they can engage while playing chess or putting on puppet shows or doing crafts, etc.
Fantastic ideas, I especially like #2. I think putting community in our kids’ reach will foster a sense of home even when things feel so uncertain and changeable. I tend to retreat into myself but should get out there more, too!
Left to my own devices, I’m pretty much a hermit, so it’s not like we’re out there every single day. But you make a good point I hadn’t considered—our kids feel more at home in the community when they’ve built networks with a wider group of people.
Very cool concept and great post! I’d love to expose my boys to a larger variety of people but it’s so difficult in our society! I also think that my own fear of loss comes into play. I don’t want to introduce my kids to older people who won’t be around as long, and have my kids’ hearts broken. (I need to get over that, I know.)