“The purpose of listening across lines of difference is not agreement or compromise. It is understanding.” ~Valarie Kaur

The Bundle of Sticks is a perpetually useful fable passed down to us by Aesop. If you don’t remember it, here’s a quick retelling.

A father was distressed that his many sons were forever quarreling among themselves. No words he could say did the least good, even when he was nearing his final days. He cast about in his mind for an example that could show them the folly of their discord, until finally he happened upon an idea.  

He presented his sons with a bundle of sticks. Handing the bundle to each in turn, he asked them to break it. Although each one tried his best, none was able to do so.

Then the father untied the bundle and gave individual sticks to his sons. They broke them easily.

“My sons,” said the father, “do you see if you agree with each other and help each other, it will be impossible for your enemies to injure you? But if you are divided among yourselves, you will be no stronger than a single stick in that bundle.”

I thought about that fable today when I read a Facebook post by Kris Bordessa. She was a colleague of mine back when we both were senior editors for a Wired blog called GeekMom. Kris is smart, funny, resourceful, and deeply committed to practical solutions. She wrote a fantastic handbook called Attainable Sustainable: The Lost Art of Self-Reliant Living. (I’ve given quite a few copies as gifts.) Kris also offers a popular website and social media presence under the same name, both packed with entirely useful information. Here’s what she posted:

Let’s talk. I presume if you’re following me here, you’re interested in the idea of stepping with a lighter footprint on this earth. Making a difference, somehow, some way in how you eat or acquire things or spend your time. 

Can we acknowledge that this will look different for each of us? We are all at different stages, each taking baby steps to improve our self-reliance. My goal is to introduce you all to different possibilities. 

The man who called me “pathetic” for sharing a recipe with all-purpose flour? He didn’t get that. (Oh, I get messages, friends! 

You might think some of the recipes I share have too much sugar. That I shouldn’t share recipes with meat. Or dairy. Or that they are not “healthy enough.”

But think for a minute. If a family is used to buying, say, store-bought cookies (in a plastic clamshell container and filled with preservatives), making cookies at home – even if there is more sugar than you think is reasonable – is an improvement.  Maybe their *next step will be to make cookies with less sugar and whole wheat flour. If a family regularly dines out, counting on fast food or restaurants to fill their bellies, learning to cook meals at home is an improvement, even if the ingredients included might not pass muster in *your household. Others aren’t there yet, you know? 

Once upon a time, I relied on some of those “instant” boxes of rice. They were cheap, I was busy. Over the years, I decided that wasn’t for me. Because I’ve learned how to make my own, I won’t ever need to rely on those boxes again. One successful, small change. 

The beauty of this page is that you can take what you need, learn from it, improve yourself. Good, better, best. 

What’s one small change YOU’VE made in how you do things at home?

I get a lot of criticism on social media sites I manage too, especially the FB page I started back in 2010 when my book Free Range Learning came out. Most of the time it’s a supportive group, but whew, sometimes people turn on each other over things like how babies are raised (breast or bottle, responsive parenting or cry-it-out, full-time parent or employed parent), over how kids learn (public school, charter, homeschool, unschool, Montessori, Waldorf), over how they’re raised (screens or no screens, supervised activities vs free play). Lately there’s been significant pushback on my (admittedly regular) posts about the danger of book bans. I get very angry DMs accusing me of advocating for books that damage children. Really?

I get angry denunciations in response to articles I write too. Of course I’ve got a poem about this….

“Raising Children Tenderly” Article’s Online Comments     

You’re a spare-the-rod moron
writes blessedamny82.
How to raise whiney assholes
christernanplumbingsupply
posts three times in a row.
This crap makes me sick
complains finsterseventeen.  

Knee deep in
affection’s sacrifices,
I simply hold up a creased map
of my own wrong turns.
Got lost here. Crashed there.

We’re all souls
packed by glory into cells
for this short sojourn.
I don’t mean to offend
but chances are
I’ll do it again tomorrow. 

Angry accusations and finger-pointing takes place on a much larger scale. Those with the most money and the most power must delight in fomenting divisions between people who need each other. How can we head in regenerative environmental directions when advocates are pitted against each other about the wisest solutions? How can we bring forth the next generation of political leaders when they may have said or done something that doesn’t fit in the narrow definition of a movement’s ideology? Such “purity tests” are not helpful.

It’s disheartening to look at each day’s news. Worse, many of us are experiencing its effects— in the weather, on our health, in the collapse of once-trusted systems, and through injustices perpetrated on us or on people we love. We need each other. We need to listen, to care, to consider our planet’s fellow inhabitants in our decisions.

I particularly appreciate the way Kris gently told folks that they don’t need to be cast apart by a culture of individualism grown toxic, but can support each other. I love that her last line drew people back in, asking them to share a small change they’ve made that might inspire others. This is how we bundle ourselves back together. This is the way forward.

“The scarcest resource is not oil, metals, clean air, capital, labour, or technology. It is our willingness to listen to each other and learn from each other and to seek the truth rather than seek to be right.”
~Donella H. Meadows, environmental scientist and systems thinking educator